If you’ve ever cringed watching your child eat, or felt a gut reaction that made you want to turn away, stop their behavior, or leave the room… you’re not alone!

The other day during snack I turned around to see one of my kids with chocolate all over his face, nose-buried in his empty bowl, licking the last bit of chocolate residue he could clean up.

Yes, in my head, cringe-worthy behavior.

It took everything in me not to yell out, What do you think you’re doing? We don’t eat like animals!

Whoa! Instead, I took a breath, turned back around… and still cringed.

After a couple minutes I was able to check-in with myself and realize it was my old stuff coming up. In this instance, I honestly wasn’t worried about the mess or anything else. I was simply being triggered by his animalistic behavior.

But truthfully, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was nose-deep, enjoying every last bit of food, and taking it all in without a care about what anyone else thought.

Instead of seeing it as out of control, uncivilized, and slob-like, I could also think of it as pure joy, satisfaction, and care-free behavior.

That’s not to say we can’t teach table manners. But when we’re reactive and caught up in all our own stuff, it’s not the time.

It will come out like, You’re not a dog! Don’t lick your bowl!

And in that moment, we pass along our shame.

We can guide and educate, but we need to be cool and collected in order to be constructive.

Parenting in general is hard work. It can be hard physically: running from place to place, changing diapers, doing more laundry than a laundromat, and not getting enough sleep.

And it’s also hard emotionally…

Kids test every boundary and push every button we have, intentionally or not. And when it comes to food, they bring up all of our own “stuff” too.

When they don’t eat something it can feel like they’re doing it to us, like they want us to slave non stop for no pay, or that they just want to see our reaction. It’s hard to stay calm and not lose it.

It’s also hard to watch them behave with food in ways we fear about ourselves.

We might fear we’ll never stop eating if we don’t put limits on our own intake. Or that we’ll only eat “junk food” if we don’t force ourselves to eat vegetables. Or that if we didn’t have a “no sugar during the week” policy, we would eat ice cream every night.

If we worry we have an insatiable sweet tooth or ferocious appetite, when we see our children eat dessert quickly or more than we think is necessary, it’s going to bring up all of our own fears about who we are with food.

Then we react, or hold it in, and spiral inside… and they notice.

They feel our energy. They take in our stuff. They feel like they’re wrong, like they can’t be trusted with food. Or they worry we’re going to limit their intake or force them to eat certain things.

If this is you, if you find yourself triggered and/or reactive, it’s ok! Know you’re doing your best with the tools you have today.

And, if this sounds familiar, that means you’re aware!! That in itself is huge!

Without awareness, there is no change. With awareness we have choice.

Kind of like how after I settled myself for a moment, I was able to see the positive and choose the joy, even if part of me thought he was a mess!

If your child is bringing up stuff in you, you deserve to work on healing your own relationship with food, for YOU and them. It might take some time to shift what is deeply rooted, but it is NEVER too late.

Thank you for joining me and letting me be a part of your journey in creating joyful eating for your family. I look forward to connecting with you soon!