Dealing with family… This is one of the most common struggles I hear from parents. They tell me their spouse, mother, or other family members aren’t on board with their feeding style. They make comments to their child about food or they criticize the parents.

Even though I work in this field, I honestly never realized how challenging it can be to feed children and how many people want to tell you or your child how to do it differently until I had children myself.

I know this is tricky and there’s not a perfect roadmap to follow. You’re navigating different perspectives and personalities, but I hope the following will get you started in creating more consistency for your child.

dealing with family

Here are some tips for dealing with family members:

#1 Identify mutual goals

“I know you want Johnny to be happy, healthy, and to eat a variety of food. I do too!” By saying this, you’re communicating you want the same thing. You’re not being negligent or allowing your child to walk all over you, or whatever judgment your family may have. You can then follow this up with, “We might have different ways we think we should achieve this, but the most important thing is that we’re consistent so we don’t confuse Johnny.”

#2 Role model

Use the language you want your family to use. When your child says, “I don’t want this,” in front of everyone reply, “You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want.”

If your family believes you have to finish your dinner to get dessert, when you have them over, serve dessert with dinner.

If your family believes you’re catering to your child, serve dinner family-style including your child’s favorite dish.

When your family tells your child they need to try something on their plate or they have to eat their broccoli to get dessert, again say to your child, “You know the rules in our family, you don’t have to eat anything you don’t want.”

#3 Share resources

Provide education, such as Ellyn Satter’s books on the Division of Responsibility.

  • Secrets to Feeding a Healthy Family
  • Your Child’s Weight: Helping Without Harming

Offer Satter’s website in general.

Share these articles:

#4 Offer ways to support.

Tell them exactly what you would like them to do:

  • Please do not comment on the way my child eats.
  • Allow them to eat their food in the order and amount they want.
  • Do not pressure or require them to try anything.

#5 Set appropriate boundaries.

If they’re not on board with your feeding style, ask them to still respect your parenting and not make comments, especially in front of your child. If they continue to dictate food, you may have to decide whether that person can be with your child during meal times or at all. This might sound extreme, and it might not be necessary for you, but for some, the damage that’s being done outweighs the time spent together.

You have to decide the potential for harm and what you’re comfortable with. For instance, if your family calls dessert a treat or serves it after a meal, you might not say anything. However, if a family member forces your child to try a bit, you might tell your child they don’t have to eat anything and then ask your family member not to do that. If a family member restricts your child’s intake for their “health” and they refuse to comply with your feeding style, you might not allow them around your child for an extended period or without you present.

For more on family feeding, join our Free Facebook Group: Joyful Eating for Your Family