Happy Thanksgiving!

Even if you’re not celebrating Thanksgiving, this is still for you! I’m covering how to navigate holiday meals or any meal with others involved!

As you know, following the Division of Responsibility (DOR) means that you provide the food and trust your child to eat what they choose. This means your child may only eat one food, or not eat at all!

I’ve been looking at recipes and trying to decide what to make for sides to go with our Thanksgiving turkey. Today I’m leaving for camping, so I’m also trying to keep things simple!

So while I was figuring out what to make, I asked my 7-year-old, “What are you excited about for Thanksgiving dinner? I’m trying to pick out recipes and I’m wondering if there’s anything special you want.”

His reply –> “I don’t really like Thanksgiving dinner. I just like the rolls.”

Whelp, I guess I’m not making anything special for him! But really, when we have family get togethers, with lots of different foods, I notice that he often only eats the bread, even if there are other foods he does enjoy.

I’m not sure if it’s the chaos of a lot of people, a loud environment, wanting to play more with cousins, or just feeling like the food is unfamiliar. It might be a combination of it all.

I could force him to eat. Require that he take two bites. Or eat something else before he can get another roll.

But at the end of the day, my core philosophy in feeding my children –> is to lay a foundation for a healthy relationship with food, one in which they can trust themselves to eat and feel confident in listening to and trusting their bodies.

So, it’s ok if he only eats the rolls!

Our kids might choose only one food because they aren’t that hungry, their body is craving a specific nutrient, it’s one of their favorite foods, or because they don’t like or don’t want to try any of the other food.

Depending on set up of the meal, you might have to adjust the following recommendations to better fit your situation.

But the same philosophy still remains: children are in charge of what they eat from what is provided.

At a holiday meal, or any meal with others, it can get a little tricky, because you might not have necessarily chosen the food that’s out.

However, I recommend you allow whatever is out and available for everyone to be the food that is available for your child, barring any choking, allergies, or other hazards.

For young children (2 and under), you might make a plate for them by choosing from the different foods available. Choose things you know they will likely eat along with one or two things you’re unsure about or think they won’t eat. Then it’s up to them to decide if and what they eat.

For kids a bit older (about 3-8 years), take them through the buffet line (or however food is being served), asking what they want from what is out. Ask, even about things you think they won’t want, but don’t pressure them to take or eat it.

For children that are more self-sufficient, around nine and up, allow them to navigate the meal themselves and offer to support if needed.

These ages are estimates, you know your child, but you may also experiment with giving them a little more freedom with support.

It’s ok if…

  • they don’t want to put a food on their plate.
  • they take food and don’t eat it.
  • they end up not trying a food.
  • they only eat one food.
  • they don’t eat anything.

You don’t have to completely “give up” on getting them to eat. Just remember that it’s not your responsibility to make it happen. Offer gentle encouragement without pressure or too much focus.

What you can do…

  • Ask if they want to try something, without pressure.
  • Point out the food they have on their plate.
  • Offer to get a sauce or another familiar ingredient.
  • Comment on your food, the texture, smell, taste.
  • Focus on making the meal pleasurable: chat, eat, and enjoy your time together.

What about dessert?

Normally, when following the DOR, we recommend to serve dessert with the meal (when you are offering dessert). However, sometimes at holidays and other get-togethers dessert is not out until after the meal.

Allow your child to eat dessert even if they didn’t have dinner. If possible, save their plate, so that if they do choose dessert, they still have other more filling options available as well. Avoid bribing or rewarding with dessert.

Try to relax and enjoy the meal for yourself and with your family. In the scheme of things, what they eat for one meal won’t make or break anything.

You’re not going to look back and think, “I’m so glad I got him to eat that one green bean.” You’re going to remember the silly stories and joy of being together.

And if you celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving! I’m so grateful you’re here!

Thank you for joining me and letting me be a part of your journey in creating joyful eating for your family. I look forward to connecting with you soon!