My kid’s obsessed with food – What do I do?

“The only food Joey wants to eat all day is Macaroni and Cheese. He asks for it all the time and refuses to eat other foods. He might try one bite of something else if I bribe him with Mac and Cheese after. I’m so tired of making different foods and having him refuse to eat them. I’m exhausted from fighting at every meal, and I’m yelling. I don’t yell at my kids, and I’m yelling.”

Does any of this resonate with you? Lately, I have had multiple parents ask about their child being seemingly obsessed with a certain food or drink. They tell me their kiddo begs for [Mac and Cheese] all the time or refuses to eat unless it’s served.

It is exhausting to prepare, cook, and clean up food, and even more frustrating when it goes uneaten. Parenting is hard, and we have so many battles to fight, but food shouldn’t be one of them.

What do I do if my child’s obsessed with food?

Offer the food frequently. 

If you’re trying to add variety to your child’s diet it will likely feel counterintuitive to offer the same food (such as chicken nuggets) all the time. However, they need to know there’s an abundance of chicken nuggets and they can have them again and again. You’re probably thinking, “But my kid already eats it all the time; they know they can have it!”

Your child probably does eat it the nuggets all the time, but there’s likely a lot of energy around them. If you’re concerned about their obsession, you’re probably frustrated and resorting to bribing and negotiating. Your child’s going to notice your fear and discomfort about their lack of variety and desire for the nuggets.

Often, parents get in the habit of only serving the same food, fighting about it, or not buying it. Instead, offer the chicken nuggets frequently alongside other foods. The goal is for your child to feel safe with the food, that it’s not off-limits, and to still be exposed to more variety.

Allow your child to eat their fill.

When you serve the Mac and Cheese or any other food they’re into, allow them to eat as much as they want. Limiting the food will create a greater obsession with it. They will try to eat more for fear of it being taken away as opposed to listening to their body. If you run out, or there isn’t enough for other family members, you might have to limit it due to quantity and respect for others. Just be cautious of only serving a tiny amount intentionally to limit their intake. As long as there is enough to go around, allow them to eat as much as they want.

Use neutral and calm language. 

My favorite word is available. It does not place judgment (good or bad) on any food. Certain foods are simply available, or not, at a meal.

If you’re not serving the Macaroni and Cheese at a meal, let them know it’s not on the menu but these other foods are available.

Or if you run out of it at a meal you might say, “I understand you want more, but these are the foods that are still available. We’ll have more Mac and Cheese tomorrow.”

You can also say, “You don’t have to eat anything else if you don’t want, but Macaroni and Cheese is not available right now.” The goal is to take all the energy away from the food. If your child is sensing you have a lot of emotion about it, they will likely respond at a high level to match you. If you remain calm, over time, they will as well.

Check-in with yourself. 

Sometimes parents’ reactions are related to their own fears about food, their childhood, or other underlying “stuff.”

You can work to raise awareness about your own reactions. Ask yourself these questions and see what comes up for you:

  • What are my feelings about this particular food?
  • What are my concerns if my child continues to like and eat this food?
  • Am I scared my kiddo will never eat any other food?
  • Do I feel like I’m failing as a parent because I can’t get them to eat other food?
  • Do I remember anything about my own childhood related to food?
    • You might make a list of thoughts or memories you have with food and see if anything comes up for you.

Remove the pressure.

Your job is simply to provide the food, and your child’s job is to eat (or not eat) the available food. When you become clear on your role, you can relax and allow your child to do their job. If they refuse to eat, that’s their choice. You don’t have to serve the food because they demand it or throw a tantrum. Just as you don’t have to pressure or force them to eat other food in order to get the Mac and Cheese or chicken nuggets.

Parenting is hard work, day in and day out. Give yourself some grace as your work through this process, and trust your child to feed themself exactly as they need.

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